dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
