At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
