Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
