Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
