Sry I called you an 8
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
