I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
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