i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
