Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
