Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
its not stalking. its research.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize