they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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