How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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