What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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