ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am one with the molecules
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
