This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
