I wanna bring you to show and tell
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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