it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize