Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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