she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He did a backflip because drugs
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
