You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
