if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
