Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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