Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize