i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I look better un-naked...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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