life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
