The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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