You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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