happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
