My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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