I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
