I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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