And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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