The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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