i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
