come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
