He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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