I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
