i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
