Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
