I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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