I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
