Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
