break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
