it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
operation harelip BJ is a go
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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