is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
