You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
