I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
