I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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