Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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