I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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