why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
