I hate all girls vehemently.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
