i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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