I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
