What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
