got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
