return my video game
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
