isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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