Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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