Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
