Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
