Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
