if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
