You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
