I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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