see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
