My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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