Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize