did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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