I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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