I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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