just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
