Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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