So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
