yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
