Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
one might say we're banned from that church
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
