did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
