dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
