I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
