dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
