I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
