You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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