i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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