In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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