I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
