he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
