anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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