She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
