Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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