He uses pillows to masturbate.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
