I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
