Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
