Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
