i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
