you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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