I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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