I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
