Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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