when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
