do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
