If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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