I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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